i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
