sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
