a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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