I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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