omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
