she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
