is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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