Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
