just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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