make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
