how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
