Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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