Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
