Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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