Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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