There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
