where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
