This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night