We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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