So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion