im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
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theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!