Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
