woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
