He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
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He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same