so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
