oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
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after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
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He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.