do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
