Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
