And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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