Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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