i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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