I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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