found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
