fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
