I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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