I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
