I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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