youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
