wanna go halves on a baby?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
