i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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