I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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