Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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