Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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