Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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