Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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