sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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