do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
