ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
