and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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