It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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