apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
