I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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