you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
