dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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