I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I want a musical about memes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
