shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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