soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
