you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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