you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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