I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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