we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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