so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
