maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
