He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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