My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
