New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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