Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
