Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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