Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
