my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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