were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
