don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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