Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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