Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
