We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
