Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
