also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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