The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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