when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
