she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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