i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Randomize
