insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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