If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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