My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
