My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
